Monday, December 5, 2011


بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

"نساءكم حرث لكم فاتوا حرثكم انى شئتم "
Your wives are a tilth for you , so go to your tilth , when or how you wish.
                                                                                    (Surah Baqarah: 223)

Entering into the union of marriage is almost like walking into an uncultivated garden.
Instead of the garden being full of lush green grass and brightly coloured flowers , it is
simply a plot of earth! The garden will remain so until two loving hearts start to work
on it with spades , fresh soil and a variety of seeds and saplings.  Like a garden ,
marriage can be cultivated to produce the most gorgeous blossoms through
good intentions and tender loving care !

Allah (عز و جل) says in the Quran;
و من ايته ان خلق لكم من انفسكم ازواجا لتسكنوا اليها و جعل بينكم مودة و رحمة
And among His signs is that He created for you wives from among
yourselves ,that you may dwell in tranquillity with them  and He has
put between you affection and mercy.
                                                                                                              (Surah Ar-Rum: 21) 


When Muslim couples enter into marriage , they begin their married life not knowing
much about each other.  Many couples make the mistake of simply getting down
to the business of married life -cooking , cleaning , and earning a wage - and avoid
the vital communication that they need to start their marriage off on the right foot.
Communication is the only way to plant the seeds of love in each others hearts
and eventually those seeds will grow into the strongest force of love to cement the
union permanently.  Both husband and wife should strive to find out everything about
their spouse , even the most minute details , like what their most embarrassing moment
was.  In fact it is these tiny details which is the very 'fabric' of the person you have
chosen to share your life with.  It is through those life experiences that they have
come to be the person they are today.


Like a garden , there is no doubt that marriage is hard work.  When two people , no
matter how much love they share , are in a confined space together , day in and day
out , it is only logical that they will have disagreements from time to time.  Those
disagreements can be about silly things , like who left the cap off the toothpaste!,
or more serious matters like disciplining the children.  Regardless of the source ,
anger and discontentment in marriage ( The unwelcome weeds that often sprout
up in your otherwise pristine garden ) are to be taken seriously.  Communication ,
again , is the best way to deal with these pesky marital disagreements!.  The aim
of any argument should be that both view points are expressed in a calm manner.
Then the couple should come to a compromise so that both sides feel they have
gained minor victories.  Marriage is not a dictatorship where one spouse rules
over the other.  Rather marriage is a partnership where spouses unite for the sake
of their families and more importantly for the sake of Allah.


Like any garden , the seeds of love one has worked so hard to plant need WATERING.
Without water the seeds will never grow and existing blooms will shrivel and ,
eventually die.  The sort of watering that is required in marriage are such actions
that build up this love, for example , being grateful to one's spouse and showing
good manners are excellent ways to increase the love between them.  Always
remembering to say JAZAKALLAH ( THANK YOU ) and showing respect
when it is needed will go a long way to make one's garden grow.


Add a bit of romance to the marriage!.  Surprise each other from time to time.
This may vary from bringing home a small gift or flowers to preparing a special
meal and dressing up.  A little imagination will go a long way here!.  The idea is to
spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively
affect the marriage.  This will INSHALLAH , result in the success that every
gardener dreams about.

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